Home For The Summer: Navigating The Summer Break Re-Entry From College

As college students return home for the summer break after their first year away, parents often find themselves facing a variety of emotions and challenges that they may not have predicted. Some may be excited to be reunited with their child under one roof, while others may be apprehensive about sharing a space again. This is particularly true if the time prior to the departure from college was tumultuous.

Parents may also have established new routines that they enjoy – perhaps including neatness, quiet, privacy, and time together as a couple. They may not have had these routines for many years while raising children – and may wonder how having young adults back in the house will impact those routines. 

College students may have mixed emotions too. They may be looking forward to the comforts of home, but missing the friends and routines that they have established and concerned about losing the freedom and independence they had at college. They may also be exhausted, sleep-deprived, and concerned and stressed about their summer plans or futures.

Adjusting to New Routines When Home for The Summer

With all of those complexities, it is understandable that all parties may be anxious. There may be some initial friction. Here are some suggestions for navigating this time period smoothly:

Give Them Space and Downtime

The re-adjustment to living at home after being away at school may take a little time, especially after the intensity of final exams. Your college student may be exhausted and grumpy. Giving them space early on to retreat to their room, reconnect with friends at home, or just sleep (possibly very late!), can make reconnecting with them easier once they have decompressed.

Setting Expectations

Discuss expectations. Schedules, noise and privacy, spending and purchases, meal habits, guests, sharing of cars, chores – all of these things should be discussed in terms of new expectations. This should be discussed rather than assumed to be the same as before your child left for college. 

This may require more than one conversation as everyone adjusts to new roles and changing needs. Your child will likely not want to be treated the same as when they were in high school. However, they also should not take on the role of guest. Discuss how everyone in the household can contribute, compromise, and be helpful and considerate of others.

Reconnecting as a Family

Make time to reconnect. Whether it's a longtime favorite family outing or something new that you or your child has discovered, set aside time early in the summer to share these experiences with your family. Being deliberate about reconnecting can help you enjoy each other’s company.

Maintaining Personal Routines

Maintain your routine and take care of your needs. With your child back in the home, it may feel natural to lapse back into the caretaking roles and routines you held before they left for college.

However, it is important for your well-being, your relationship with your partner, and your developing relationship with your child that you maintain what you have created for yourself. It is also healthy for your child to see you modeling self-care and investing time into your relationship with your partner.

Understanding and Acceptance

Acknowledge and accept that there may be difficulties. It is normal to feel some ambivalence during this time and to have some friction with your child or your partner. Research shows that when adult children come back to live with their parents after having spent time away, there is often a decline in the parents’ well-being and quality of life.

Not feeling entirely happy about having your child back home does not make you an un-loving parent – it is simply a disruption of your equilibrium. Likewise, your child may have missed you and be glad to be in the loving safety of your home. Yet, they can feel uncertain about their changing role in the household, or be missing their friends or independence. This does not mean they don’t love you or want to be near you.

Addressing Mental Health Issues

Address any mental health issues. There is a college mental health crisis in the U.S., with surveys showing over 60% of students meeting the criteria for at least one mental health problem. As many as three-quarters report moderate or severe psychological distress.

If you notice signs of depression in your student, such as ongoing low mood or energy, sleep disturbance, changes in appetite, loss of interest in things they used to care about or enjoy, or talk of hopelessness, have a conversation with your child about their mental health. Also, consider taking them to see a professional while they are at home.

Devoting time and attention to getting their mental health back on track while at home can enable them to develop resources and skills for the upcoming school year. A mental health professional can assist with creating a plan for ongoing mental health treatment and/or self-care once your child returns to college.

At The Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Avenue, Scotch Plains, NJ we have a team of licensed professionals with day, evening, and weekend hours available for individual, couples, or family therapy. Please visit us at www.hellenictherapy.com, Facebook, or Instagram.  Call us at 908-322-0112 for further information.

Sources

Abrams, Z. (2022, October 12). Student mental health is in crisis. Campuses are rethinking their approach. Monitor on Psychology, 53(7).

American College Health Association (2022). American College Health Association-National College Health Assessment III: Reference Group Executive Summary Fall 2021. Silver Spring, MD: American College Health Association.

Tosi, M & Grundy, E. (2018). Returns home by children and changes in parents’ well-being in Europe. Social Science & Medicine, 200, pp. 99-106.